Doing

You know, I get kind of stuck sometimes. I'm thinkin' of all I want to do, but I'm just thinking too much about it instead of doing it. 

Yep, sounds crazy and it is crazy. 

I think so much more could be done if we quit thinkin' so much and started doin' more. You know, you can sit around all day waiting for everything to make sense and be just the right time, but in the end, what's actually gonna happen? Not much. 

Waiting is good and all, but eventually you just gotta get up off your lazy rear end and get movin'. We ain't gonna live forever. Eventually things have to happen. 

I know how it is: you want everything to work out right. You don't want to mess up. You don't want things to go terribly wrong. So, you think, and calculate, and ponder, and wonder. And, then you die. 

So, I'm gonna start doing things. 

Waiting

Sometimes you're just sittin' there, waiting for something. Sometimes you can't do anything about it. Sometimes waiting is all you can do. 

It can be frustrating because you want to be useful. You want to play a part in something, and you want to get stuff done. 

Sometimes God just lets us wait. Sometimes He has a better plan than we do. Sometimes He knows waiting is the best thing. 

And, sometimes we hate it. 

Sometimes I wonder, why wait. I honestly could get more done. Sometimes I look back and I see why I had to wait. Sometimes I never seem to know why. 

I guess waiting is just a part of life. You wait in the grocery store line. You wait for your new debit card to come. You wait for the college to tell you whether you were accepted or not. You wait to hear back from jobs. you wait to get married. 

I don't know, as much as you might not like to wait, sometimes the waiting makes the thing so much better when it finally happens. 

Picture by Gabriel

Calm

 Loud, hard to hear,

Cannot see, fear.

Peace, voice so near

I see You are here.

Hold, You hold me

I trust, whatever be.

Calm, silent rest in You

Nothing else could ever do.

Coward!

 You only say you can't

because you fear the thing you can.

Tired

Feelin' kinda tired

Feelin' kinda lost

Feelin' forsaken

Tackled and tossed.

Lookin' for the end

Lookin' for some sleep

Lookin' downtrodden

Lost in a heap.

Down falls the hope

Down falls the light

Down fall all your dreams

Turns on the night. 

Your eyes droopin' down

Your head fallin' low

Your heart sinkin' in

It's dark below.

Yet it aint' over

Yet it ain't done

Yet God ain't finished

With you, dear one. 

Light will come again

Hope will find you here

Joy lights a way

Don't give up, dear. 

Lonely

Maybe you're out there far from home. 

Maybe you're wonderin' when you'll see rest again. 

Maybe you're feelin' forgotten. 

Maybe you're missin' someone.

Maybe you're just feelin' sad.

Lonely

Depressed

Down

All alone in a big ol' world. 

Well, I'm just gonna say this: 

It ain't gonna last forever. 

✌

❤

Lookin'

Lookin' for the calm. Searchin' for the quiet. Seekin' peace in a soul full of fear. 

Wonderin' if I'll ever get out of this dark, lonely coma. 

Wonderin' if I'll ever learn to fly. 

Feelin' the pain and hopin' that one day the pain will turn into wings. 

Pulled Apart

I have been kind of yanked apart. I feel tired and helpless. 

Like there's no way out. 

Like my insides are outside and my outsides in. That doesn't make any sense, but it does.

I feel like I'm sitting here just waiting for something bad to happen. 

Not even sure what it is or if it will happen.

Just expecting the worst.

Alone

 

That's a scarecrow in a thunderstorm. Not my idea, but I appreciate it more than I thought I would. 

I appreciate it because it's kinda personal. 

I guess that scarecrow looks kind of heroic out there in a big storm all by itself in an open field. I am not always very brave. I want to learn to be a little more courageous, a little more daring. I want to be able to face things that frighten me. 

Kinda Feisty

Apparently, I'm kinda feisty. 

I already knew that, but sometimes it comes out a monstrosatous proportions. Sometimes I have to stop and think and try to control my anger. 

Some times I get very angry about things. I do not want to be a mad woman.

I do want to harness that excitement and energy and put it to good use.

One time a friend was telling us about her son who did a bunch of crazy stuff. A friend of hers reminded her that God can use her son's craziness for His glory.

I've thought about that. How can I use my passion and excitement for things in the right way?

Yeah, I don't know. Still tryin' to figure that one out.

Windy

There's a nice wind blowing through my open window right now. 

There are fluffy clouds floating through a blue sky. 

The sun is nice and warm and brightens up the green world.

It is windy.

The wind blows through the tender little leaves with a loud swoosh.

The spring is alive and filled with hope and glory.

I love the wind.

It kinda awakens excitement and energy that you might not have on a calm day.

Funny. Other times I hate the wind.

But right now, it is gloriously windy.

Dumpy

Well, I just experienced my worst birthday ever. I ain't lookin' for no sympathy. I'm just statin' the facts. 

It was sad because I realized that the last previous 4 birthdays I had been away from home actually doing something with my life. This year I was back after so long. It felt like regression. 

Oh, well, maybe just God's way of reminding me I actually don't have it all together yet. 

I almost wish...Almost. 

Not Anymore

 

I used to be the third or fifth wheel a lot. I rarely minded it. I usually had a lot of fun. One day while in church, I was sittin' there and realized the interesting situation I was in. On one side of me my sister and her husband sat nice and close, and on the other side of me my sister and her man sat very close. So, like me, I just decided to make a little picture of it. 

Well, I ain't no fifth wheel anymore. And I don't mind that either.

Country Kids

 

Country kids in a row

Country kids' happy glow

Country kids runnin' free

Country kids filled with glee.

We meet and smile

We sit awhile

We run and play

We rest in the day.

We get each other

Like sister and brother

Wherever on the earth

Wherever is our birth

Country kids know

That love can show

And smiles without words

Can fly about like birds.

In happy sunset 

Where we first met

We say goodbye

Country kids' special tie.

If Falling

If falling, 

    we are raised, 

If hurting, 

    we are healed,

If crying, 

    You are praised, 

If afraid, 

    You're our shield,

We'll take each sorrow

And dance tomorrow.

Not All There Yet

Sometimes it dawns on me that I'm not all there yet. 

I'm almost 24 years old, and I still live at home. I don't have really anything figured out. 

Sometimes I wonder why this is. Why some people seem to have their life figured out by 18. What's so different about me?

All I really know how to say is I simply don't know. 

Maybe it has in part to do with the fact that my teenage years seemed to be consumed with taking care of everyone else. I didn't have the time to plan what I was going to do with my own life. I dreamed a lot, but I didn't plan. I was too busy. Too busy trying to keep the family from falling apart. Too busy with trying to keep people from killing each other. Too busy trying save one person from the wrath of another person. 

It was tiring. Emotionally exhausting. But I was too busy to even know that. 

I don't want to make excuses for my current problems, more just me trying to figure out what's up. What's going on inside my head? 

All I know is I ain't all there yet. 

And one day I shall be. I'll be home, which is where I long to be.

But in the mean time, I'll just keep trying to figure this thing out. Life.