Not OK

 

You tell me what you think

I listen

I say “Yeah”

I don’t mean it

You ask if everything is OK

I say “Yeah”

I don’t mean it

Because everything I say

I worry will hurt you

My fears I’m too afraid to share with you

I don’t want you to be hurt

I don’t want you to be mad

I don’t want you to keep running from me

I hurt inside alone

Alone

Unable

Wishing

Wishing I could tell you every single thing that burns a hole in my heart

But I’m afraid

I’m afraid of judging you wrongly

But also afraid of you judging me wrongly. 

So, I say I’m OK

But I’m not

And you’re probably not either.

Sometimes

Sometimes I'm so confused about something. 

Maybe worried. I don't know what to do. Maybe it don't matter anyhow. 

But, then it bothers me, so I keep throwing it around in my brain. 

I wonder why. Why things are the way they are. 

I wonder if you would understand. But maybe I would just make you upset. 

I don't know. Life plays funny sometimes. 

Bright

 

Thanks, crazy child, for making my life a little brighter.

Picture by Mom

Glee

 

I saw the little thing fluttering about, and I made an attempt to catch it.

But it flitted away, out of my reach. 

Oh, glee!

To be a butterfly

To be free

To say goodbye

Without a tear

In your eye

Without a fear

To never cry.

But one day I shall soar, but not on butterfly wings.

I will fly higher amidst the crashing storm

I will be free of the encumbering things

I will fly in the Son's embrace, so warm.

And, that indeed shall be glee. 

Waves

 And the waves keep coming

I try to catch my breath

But I get thrown back down into the cold

I'm losing my mind

I'm losing my sight

I see sun

And then I am blinded again 

Thrown down by the waves

But, I shall rise again.

A Tale of Two Lovers

 "The North wind sure is cold."

"It is." 

His large, leathery hand gently gripped her small, bony one. Many years of hard work had gone into both sets of hands. But now, all they could think of was to keep each other warm.

"You're tired, aren't you?" He asked as she slowly trudged through the woods.

"Oh, but this cold is so invigorating." She smiled at the wind and then peered into his fading blue eyes. He still managed to be taller than her even though they had both shrunk considerably. 

"If you say."

"Ah, but I am tired. All those years of roamin' the globe puts a toll on ye, don't it?" She added. 

"That it does."

"Ya know, young folk think they love each other, but I say, ye don't really know what love is till you're here," she smiled with what teeth remained. 

"I suppose." A few strands of white hair from her head blew into his face. He smiled. "I suppose."

"All those years of missin' you, all those years of being apart, all those trials, only made us stronger." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "But you're right, I'm tired."

And, he knew she wasn't just tired of walking or the wind and cold. She was tired of life.

So, the next morning, he kissed her goodbye as she breathed her last in his arms. "Goodbye, my dear."

He went on another four years, loving people and telling people about Jesus wherever he went, until one day, he too breathed his last. In the Kingdom, after the main introductions, he found the little old lady he had known and loved so well. They were no longer wed, but that didn't matter. She looked at him and smiled, and then they went for a very long walk.

Why?

 "But, Bekah, WHY?"

I know what you mean, Patrick. 

I hear what people say, but sometimes I still ask, "But, why?"

And, sometimes, I ask God, "Why?"

I guess that 5 year-old stuff doesn't just go away when you get older.

My Friend

 

Where's my friend?

Will she come to me,

Or I go to her?

Where is she?

I've searched high and low

But she's no where to be found.

Where are you?

Please stop playing hide and seek

I want to know where you are.

Where are you?

Will you find me,

Or I find you?

Please stop playing hide and seek.

Come out and show your face.

Be my friend.

Words

 

Words can sting or give life.

Words can hurt or they can heal

They can wound or they can wash

They can frown or they can feel.

I've hurt a person with my words.

I've stung them like swords

Hurt them to their souls

Hit them with words like boards.

I want my words to be strong

But strung with love and trust

To not be too heavy and long

Or words that will fall and rust.

Let my words be few

But let them be full of love

Let them speak of You

And point to things thereof.

Nostalgia

 Apparently, looking at old pictures isn't always helpful. But then I remember that those were dark days, too, and yet He pulled me through. So, I smile at old memories and know there is light ahead.

Girls around a stove in winter.

To Be Together Again

 It's been kind of long, and I miss y'all. I wouldn't mind if I could see your smiling faces and feel you big hugs again. I've been feeling lonely these days, so I think of you.

I miss you, Cabana Girls. 

❤❤

✌

A Poem from Yesteryear

 Distress

I go back and forth.

My head is in distress.

I want a way out

I want the rest,

I want to end this battle.                                               

But I hate to stop,

To give up,

To fail.

Oh, the confusion of my head.

The battle that never ends.

The war that continues.

Is there respite?

What shall I do?

Oh, Father, please hear me!

Fight

 "Girls, don't fight in the kitchen.

Go into the living room."

~Dad to my teenage sisters

Crazy

 "God baptizes us with holy audacity and divine confidence!

He is not wanting great men, but He is wanting men who will dare to prove the greatness of their God."

A. B. Simpson

I read that and thought, so God can use my crazy ideas, huh?

Yep

 Yep,

Sometimes I want to tell you stuff, but I can't seem to get it out.

Sometimes I want you know something, but I don't know how.

Sometimes I want to ask you a question, but I'm too scared.

So, I sit there and say, "Yep."

Uhuh.

Well...I guess that's all for now.